Reflections on Growth, Development and Learning
Reflection Upon Completing First Year
When I graduated high school in 2014, I pursued at science degree at McMaster University. During my two years there I got increasingly frustrated with the importance placed on personal achievement and pride and the lack of value for interpersonal communication and empathy for others. I left McMaster University in 2016 and moved back to Peterborough, taking some time off school to think about my next steps. I decided to volunteer for Hospice Peterborough which involved a 10-week training course. This course explored active listening, therapeutic touch and communication, and other nursing principles we have explored in the first semester of nursing at Trent University. Most importantly, the course emphasized the importance of caring practice and comfort measures taken when a cure is no longer the goal. This course with Hospice Peterborough fostered my skills in listening and providing comfort for those nearing the end of their lives. This motivated me to apply to several nursing schools in Ontario, and I ultimately decided to attend Trent.
When I graduated high school in 2014, I pursued at science degree at McMaster University. During my two years there I got increasingly frustrated with the importance placed on personal achievement and pride and the lack of value for interpersonal communication and empathy for others. I left McMaster University in 2016 and moved back to Peterborough, taking some time off school to think about my next steps. I decided to volunteer for Hospice Peterborough which involved a 10-week training course. This course explored active listening, therapeutic touch and communication, and other nursing principles we have explored in the first semester of nursing at Trent University. Most importantly, the course emphasized the importance of caring practice and comfort measures taken when a cure is no longer the goal. This course with Hospice Peterborough fostered my skills in listening and providing comfort for those nearing the end of their lives. This motivated me to apply to several nursing schools in Ontario, and I ultimately decided to attend Trent.
So far, nursing school has been very different from what I
thought it would be. I’ve always seen nursing as very social, as social support
is important in such an emotionally challenging career, but living with my
parents has made me feel separate from many other students and I have had a
hard time connecting with others. On a more academic note, my past experience
in a science degree has prepared me well for the science taught in nursing, the
notorious multiple choice exams, and writing formal academic papers. While I am
not expecting the rest of my nursing degree to be easy, this first semester
would definitely have been more challenging if I had not had prior university
experience. The content of the first year courses has also been very refreshing.
I spent two years learning about physics, biology, chemistry, calculus, and neuroscience
and very little about spiritual and emotional health. While I must say that I slightly
prefer the science as opposed to the spiritual and emotional health of nursing,
I recognize these areas as crucial to providing good nursing care. Maybe, over
the next few years, my affinity for the art of nursing will increase.
At this point, I am not certain that nursing will be my
final path. Several nurses I’ve talked to have stated that they feel more regretful
entering the career than satisfied, and if they were given another chance they
would take a different direction. Conversely, I recently had a conversation
with one of my first year nursing professors who told me that she loves the
feeling of helping others and bringing some happiness to patients, and that it
is important to find an area you enjoy to avoid burnout. Coming into this
program, my main areas of interest were intensive care and palliative care. Epp
(2012) states that the factors contributing to nurse burnout are emotional
exhaustion, cynicism, depersonalization, and feelings of inefficacy. Palliative
care and intensive care are both areas that foster these factors due to the
emotional and physical strain, and this makes me concerned about which area of
nursing I really will end up choosing. I am hoping that the clinical placement
next semester will give me a better idea of what the career is really about.
First semester challenged me both academically and emotionally. It was difficult starting a new degree at a new school, while my friends at McMaster University are in their final year of undergrad and are getting ready to graduate. The social environment was been difficult to incorporate myself into, and the material that was to be learned was leagues different from the material I was used to at McMaster. Despite these obstacles, last semester introduced me to some amazing instructors who are passionate about their areas, and their passion is infectious. I admit that during some classes, I let my mind wander to the future, fantasizing about when I will be a nurse that is as eager and passionate about my work as our professors are. For the time being, I am still very enthusiastic about helping people, while also being enthusiastic about medicine and healthcare. I have felt for a long time that nursing is a perfect amalgamation of my interest in people and science, and I hope that my fears of nursing are mitigated over the next three and a half years in this program. Despite my fears, I thoroughly enjoyed last semester.
This past semester has proved to be even more emotionally challenging than the last, as it was my first semester of clinical placement. My placement was at a long-term care facility, and I will admit that during the first few weeks I was very unhappy and had many doubts about my desire to be a nurse. I felt there was little support from the PSWs on the home area I was first placed on, and we were expected to care for residents as though we were already experienced caregivers. I was lost and confused. Furthermore, the residents in my first home area were relatively independent so I was feeling quite useless. Then I switched home areas and everything changed. The PSWs were kind, caring, and helpful; they gave us direction and guidance while still allowing us our independence and room to learn. Suddenly I was learning so much, and as I became more comfortable in assisting with activities of daily living, I was able to focus on connecting emotionally with the residents and working on my assessment skills. As I stated earlier, I didn't enjoy the parts of nursing last semester that were related to spirituality and emotional health as much as I should have. My experience at the long-term care home definitely changed this. I realize now how important these aspects are, and how much a smile, a touch of the hand, and just sitting and talking with someone can be healing and are an important part of nursing.
Of course there is still no certainty in my career's future. There is no certainty of anything in life. But I can definitely say that after this experience, I am so much more confident in my desire to be a nurse and I am looking forward to the rest of my clinical experiences.
Reflection Upon Completing Third Year, First Semester
First semester challenged me both academically and emotionally. It was difficult starting a new degree at a new school, while my friends at McMaster University are in their final year of undergrad and are getting ready to graduate. The social environment was been difficult to incorporate myself into, and the material that was to be learned was leagues different from the material I was used to at McMaster. Despite these obstacles, last semester introduced me to some amazing instructors who are passionate about their areas, and their passion is infectious. I admit that during some classes, I let my mind wander to the future, fantasizing about when I will be a nurse that is as eager and passionate about my work as our professors are. For the time being, I am still very enthusiastic about helping people, while also being enthusiastic about medicine and healthcare. I have felt for a long time that nursing is a perfect amalgamation of my interest in people and science, and I hope that my fears of nursing are mitigated over the next three and a half years in this program. Despite my fears, I thoroughly enjoyed last semester.
This past semester has proved to be even more emotionally challenging than the last, as it was my first semester of clinical placement. My placement was at a long-term care facility, and I will admit that during the first few weeks I was very unhappy and had many doubts about my desire to be a nurse. I felt there was little support from the PSWs on the home area I was first placed on, and we were expected to care for residents as though we were already experienced caregivers. I was lost and confused. Furthermore, the residents in my first home area were relatively independent so I was feeling quite useless. Then I switched home areas and everything changed. The PSWs were kind, caring, and helpful; they gave us direction and guidance while still allowing us our independence and room to learn. Suddenly I was learning so much, and as I became more comfortable in assisting with activities of daily living, I was able to focus on connecting emotionally with the residents and working on my assessment skills. As I stated earlier, I didn't enjoy the parts of nursing last semester that were related to spirituality and emotional health as much as I should have. My experience at the long-term care home definitely changed this. I realize now how important these aspects are, and how much a smile, a touch of the hand, and just sitting and talking with someone can be healing and are an important part of nursing.
Of course there is still no certainty in my career's future. There is no certainty of anything in life. But I can definitely say that after this experience, I am so much more confident in my desire to be a nurse and I am looking forward to the rest of my clinical experiences.
Reflection Upon Completing Third Year, First Semester
This past semester proved to be challenging, both emotionally and academically. I learned many skills, communication techniques, and listened to various stories from people living with chronic illness. I was challenged emotionally because living with chronic illness places a huge burden on your life. I cared for many people with a variety of ailments – some were too weak to walk, some were non-verbal, some had severe cognitive impairments, and some couldn’t even eat but took in nutrition through a tube placed into their stomach. It made me think about, despite the unique challenges I face in my own life, how fortunate I am to be independent and healthy and able to control most aspects of my life. People with chronic illness have to completely alter their way of living and are very often slave to their treatments and symptoms. However, as a result of the changes people with chronic illness have to make in their lives, they become more resilient. I found that the experience of living with chronic illness can one of both hope and despair, and both the patients and caregivers have to learn how to balance those.
I found this semester academically challenging because we were dealing with patients with complex illnesses and I had to learn how to deal with the symptoms they were experiencing. I remember during my third shift I had a patient who was experiencing severe shortness of breath and I panicked. I couldn’t remember anything I had learned in school about relieving shortness of breath, and I didn’t even think to put my patient in the Fowler’s position because I had frozen up with panic. Over this semester, I learned that nursing interventions are simpler than I previously thought. I came into nursing thinking that nurses would swoop in with a hero’s cape and their heads packed with knowledge about what course of treatment to take. I know now that in that situation, all I needed to do was sit my patient up, administer Ventolin as prescribed, and coach her through breathing exercises. Nurses are heroes, but the interventions we provide are often quite simple.
Finishing this semester, and reflecting on what I have learned, I have determined a long-term goal and a short-term goal continuing from here. My short-term goal is to be able to provide quality care for a caseload of two patients in a highly efficient manner by the end of next semester. Relating my experience with my patient experiencing shortness of breath, I feel more comfortable using nursing interventions on a variety of patients. To complete this goal, I will continue what I have been doing this semester: before my clinical shift, I will familiarize myself with the condition my patient has been admitted for and make sure I know the common nursing interventions for this condition. In fourth year I will be expected to care for four patients on a given shift. If I can confidently care for two patients next semester in my acute placement I will feel ready to handle a greater caseload.
My long-term goal is to receive my palliative care certification from Mohawk College in Hamilton, ON. I have always been interested in palliative care, but learning about living with chronic illness solidified this interest. Death and grief are topics I am passionate about and I want to apply the principles of palliative care wherever I work – even if it isn’t a palliative care setting. By receiving a palliative care certificate, I will have more doors opened for me such as in oncology, dialysis, hospice, and of course palliative care. It will also provide a path for me if I wish to pursue research in palliative care.
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